How To Enter A New World

by Jeff Keller

During my presentations, I often pose this question to the audience: "Over the course of your life, how many of you went from having a relatively low level of self-esteem to having a much higher level of self-esteem?" In a group of 100 people, about 10 people will raise their hands.

I then ask those 10 people, "When you changed your feelings about yourself, how many of you found that you attracted very different people and very different circumstances into your life?" Inevitably, all 10 hands go up.

When I invite them to explain what happened after they increased their feelings of self-worth, they tell remarkable, inspiring stories about the positive changes in their lives.

Some will explain how they advanced in their careers. Others will proudly describe how their relationships improved or they met a wonderful person whom they later married. Listening to their stories, you'd think that these people were dropped into a new world, one they never inhabited before.

Before I continue, a definition of self-esteem would seem helpful. A simple definition is that self-esteem is the degree to which you like and value yourself. One of the best definitions I've seen was offered by Nathaniel Branden, author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

He defines self-esteem as "the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness."

Let's get back to the stories told by my audience members. What explains the changes that take place in their lives?

What we're seeing is the Law of Attraction at work, or the principle that "like attracts like."

You attract into your life what you habitually dwell upon and what you feel you deserve. Your inner thoughts and feelings are projected outward and, like a magnet, you attract conditions that are in accord with those thoughts and feelings.

Now, I'll admit that I can't show you a movie demonstrating how the Law of Attraction operates. It isn't visible to the eye. It's working "behind the scenes" but it is very real nevertheless.

Here's an analogy that may help to explain this principle -the stations on your radio. Assume there are 10 radio stations that you can tune into. Stations 1-3 are for those with low self-esteem; Stations 4-6 are for those with self-esteem in the middle range; and Stations 7-10 are reserved for those who feel good about themselves.

This is an oversimplification, to be sure, but stay with me. Let's assume further that your life is "playing" on Station 5. Your self-esteem is in the middle range. You'll find that the vast majority of the people you attract are on Stations 4-6. Thus, you're interacting with people who are on a similar "frequency."

Occasionally, you will encounter some people from other stations. However, you will not feel comfortable spending much time with those on Station 2 - nor will you feel that you fit in with those on Station 8.

It all comes down to what you think you deserve. You then attract the people and circumstances to confirm your feelings of self-worth.

The choice of who to attract is made below the surface - at the level of the subconscious mind. Consciously, nobody says "I want to attract people who will not treat me well or who won't appreciate me."

However, at the subconscious level, they feel this is what they deserve. These feelings and beliefs are often formed in childhood. Often we re-create the relationships our parents experienced.

Think about your intimate relationships throughout your life. Think about your relationships at work. Do you see any similarities with the relationships your parents experienced in their lives?

The example of your parents can be deeply embedded within your mind, whether you realize it or not. It's true that some people will create relationships and experiences that are the opposite of their parents, but this is more the exception.

Moving Forward

The concept of entering a new world and reaching the next level is not limited to those who feel they have low or mediocre self-esteem. It is also available to those with high self-esteem. After all, you can always develop a higher level of self-esteem and when you do, the circumstances in your life will improve dramatically. It just gets better and better!

How can you raise your level of self-esteem so you can take advantage of the Law of Attraction? Here are some techniques you might find helpful:

• Take responsibility for the people and circumstances you have attracted thus far. If you continue to believe that forces outside of you are responsible for your relationships and your circumstances, you'll remain stuck.

  Once you accept that YOU are the cause of your present situation, you'll make different choices moving forward, which will attract new people and new conditions.

• Stretch beyond your comfort zone. Self-esteem is not developed by simply standing in front of a mirror and saying "I love myself." As Nathaniel Branden's definition suggests, there is an element of competency to self-esteem. You must engage life and feel capable.

  When you sit on the sidelines and refuse to explore the limits of your potential, you feel stifled. You know there is more you can experience in life, and yet you're backing away. This lowers your self-esteem.

  Jump start your self-esteem by challenging yourself to move beyond the familiar. Learn a new skill. Take a public speaking class. Apply for a position in your organization that you've always wanted but were afraid to pursue. It doesn't matter whether you're successful. You will raise your self-esteem immediately by "getting in the game."

• Change your vocabulary. You can't have high self-esteem when you continually put yourself down. What you say about yourself matters ... as does what you allow others to say about you.

  For instance, from now on, whenever someone pays you a compliment, respond by saying "Thank you." If you reject the compliment, as many people do - "oh, it was nothing," they say - you're telling yourself that you don't deserve the praise and you'll attract people to confirm your low feelings of self-worth.

• Respect yourself. Until you respect yourself, nobody else will respect you. Thus, when someone makes a verbally abusive comment to you or puts you down, make it clear that you won't accept that kind of language. You don't have to argue or prove that the other person is "wrong."

  As you show more and more respect for yourself, you will find that you don't attract abusive people into your life anymore. You're operating on a higher "frequency" and you now attract others who will value you instead of criticizing you. It's the Law of Attraction at work!

We're all human magnets, and our thoughts and feelings attract certain people and circumstances into our lives. As you value yourself more, you'll enter a new world of possibility. Exciting times lie ahead!

-- Jeff Keller
(c) Attitude is Everything, Inc.