How to turn New Years resolutions
              into real life improvements.

Life improvements aren't about what we do.          
True salvation comes down to who we are.             
When you trust yourself, 90% of the battle is won ...

A Brownie or Trust

© 2005-2008 Karen Wright

Today thousands of people are once again dusting off their failed attempts to achieve last year's resolutions to stop this or start that. Once again they promise to make it happen, while in the back corner pocket of their minds they still harbor the doubt that stole last year's achievement - as it will this year if the doubt is remains.

I know, I've been there too. Most New Year's resolutions die a premature death somewhere in their first 2 to 4 weeks of life. I think I've figured out why. It's not lack of will power, as you might think. It's not even the brute strength of well-entrenched habits. I believe we lose the battle with change because we are looking in the wrong direction.

We think we're trying to stop smoking or lose weight, or stop drinking or gambling, or losing our temper or, or, or... But, life improvements aren't about what we do. True salvation comes down to who we are.

Our struggle to change is an issue deeper than whether or not we eat a brownie. The real battlefield is called integrity and self-trust. We aren't merely trying to defeat a habit, we're wanting to honor a promise.

When I was 12 years old my mom asked me if I'd finished my school homework, while I headed out the door to meet a friend. I lied and said I had. She let me go. I felt as long as I wasn't caught, no one was hurt. As youngsters we often owned this level of integrity - all's fair, if you don't get caught.

Even as adults, we sometimes fall back into this get-away-with-it behavior. We tell white lies or cheat when no one is looking. We don't point out that the grocery clerk gave us back too much change. We stop at McDonald's on the way to work for fries while our unknowing family believes we're successfully dieting. As long as we don't get caught, we justify our behavior.

But, even when no one else is looking. Even if no one else every finds out - WE know. We know we cheated. We lied. We caved in. And it's easy to believe that it doesn't really matter. But, nothing could matter more.

Having trust in yourself is more precious than six billion Big Macs. Knowing that your word is solid is greater than all the misplaced accolades of the deceived. Self-trust is the highest form of self love and it demands nothing short of perfection.

For the past year my middle-aged spread has been spreading. Most still consider me slender and roll their eyes when I complain about my expanding waist. But, my jeans are tight and I feel uncomfortable. Every day I long for the belly that was once flat and wish I didn't know what muffin-top meant.

So I declare that I'll stop the habits that have aided and abetted this growing real estate: polishing off my plate even when I'm already quite full, eating snacks late at night when I'm not at all hungry. Overall my diet is quite good, by most standards. But, I have some habits that need to go. I resolve to change my ways, but a few 9pms later I grab a few chips and think, "It's just 4 chips, I won't get fat on that."

The chips are good, but my feelings aren't. I've not kept my word once again. Heck, I've even found myself sneaking the chips when no one was looking! Like that doesn't count?

My waist isn't the only thing growing - my self-distrust is expanding too. So, I've decided to stop focusing on the measuring tape and attending to why I think lying to myself doesn't matter. This time is about choosing to believe in myself again.

Let's think about those New Year's resolutions again, but from a different view. It's not about losing 20 pounds - it's about keeping your promise. It's not about taking that last puff - it's about knowing you can count on you no matter what. How key is that?

Integrity, honesty, self-trust. This is what New Year's resolutions are really about. Most people could care less if you drop 15 pounds and won't even notice if you cut back on smoking. They're so busy dealing with their own foibles and phobias that they don't have the time nor inclination to care about yours. But, you notice. You care.

This year, when you decide to stop this or start that, remember that this is an exercise in honor. It's a test of character. Will you fulfill on your promises...even to yourself? Especially to yourself. That is where the real win is. When you trust yourself, 90% of the battle is won. You are so far stronger than anything this world can ever put on your doorstep. In 2008, I hope you rediscover that. It will be the best gift you'll ever receive and you are the only one who can give it.

In Joy and Partnership,
Karen